real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
