okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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