Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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