For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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