Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
