The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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