been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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