last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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