You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
high people should be assigned attendants
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize