and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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