I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
