And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
