HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I've blown a few things in my day
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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