I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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