I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
