You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
