I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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