Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
