She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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