i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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