So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
