Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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