Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
