ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
