K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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