Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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