Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
