You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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