Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
