Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
