What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
