Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize