I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
