I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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