I wanna passion pit in your ass
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
