people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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