Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
