I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
