getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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