Me. At least after what I've been through.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize