he shaved USA in his pubs
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
