Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
