i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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