I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
