carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize