Having a random hookup so left but love u
he wants to bone in the snuggie
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
