P.S. I can't hear my feet
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My liver is preforming stress tests.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
