I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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