I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize