The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
