it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
