i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
