Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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