i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Two words: blizzard sex
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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