i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
