did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
