beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
