I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
