I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
