Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
