yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I understand Curling. That high.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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