I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
