Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
