New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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