does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
