awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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