In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
