i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
