Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize