Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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