I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
