She is in my trunk
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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