quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
