my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
