i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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