I wish I only lived at night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
