I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
