My hair reeks of homosexuality.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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