I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
