escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
