Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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