I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize