My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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