Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
