dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
