my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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