A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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