I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
