So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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