I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
