I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I fill condoms, not promises.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
