you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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