I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
