Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
