i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
