I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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