it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There's always time for handjobs
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
