he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
