do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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