Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
