I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
